How to Answer Her When She Asks "Why Do You Want to Date Me?"

Contents

1. What are HER Reasons?

2. Answering: The Don’ts

3. How to Answer This

Once you enter into the dance of gaming girls, you instantly notice the avalanche of testscome rolling  down at high speed to crush your lay of the day. Girls with at least some experience will throw them at you. The question in the title is one of those big snowballs that you either avoid like a pro... or suffocate under like a noob.

You’ll especially face this test when you start to go fast with girls and come across as more of a sexual man.

Let’s first talk about the game situations that lead to this question and what it tells you about the girl, then we’ll see the underlying psychology of this question before giving you all the knowledge to answer it in the best possible way.

SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHY YOU WANT TO DATE... BUT WHAT ARE HER REASONS?

Let’s put it simply: when you two are aware of the courtship going on between you, it’s not surprising to ask for a date at a certain point.

The fact that she asks this question tells you that she has CONCERNS popping up in her mind – concerns about a potential non-alignment with mutual interests or your mutual ability to fulfill them.

For simplicity’s sake, I’ll break down those concerns into three categories.

1. The first situation is when the girl is either inexperienced or just isn’t into quick hook ups at the moment (at least not right after first greetings), and you go fast/sexual with herand ask her for a  date. The fact that she responded to your sexualization during the conversation isn’t actually evidence of her intentions to quickly hook up; she just went with it and knew that otherwise she’d make the conversation awkward and not reach her goal, which is NOT quick sex.
   Therefore, you might find yourself quite confused when you get this question after having had even a little sex talk with the girl before asking her out. What she’s afraid of here is that she’ll come to the date and find you with high SEXUAL EXPECTATIONS. She just doesn’t want to have a guy who thinks that he’s already won her over and is going to rush in her pussy like a hungry truck driver on his lunch break. You’ll get this usually when you invite her to your place, try to plan something at HER place, and yes... if you try to meet her for a direct hotel date.
2. The second situation is sort of the complete opposite of the first one. Here, the girl’s plans are all about light sex and good fun, but you come asking for a date-like meeting. If she just wants a fast hook up and you start treating her like a little princess you’d like to marry, bang twice, and call your children Lucie and Todd, she’s going to be afraid that you have EMOTIONAL EXPECTATIONS – expectations she’s absolutely not ready to handle.
   She’s only in a sexual mood, and she wants to be sure that you both share this sole interest. It’s also often a way of testing your experience with women, as all tests usually do, but with a special intensity: she wants a passionate, experienced lover, not a sensitive romantic chevalier. You’ll deal with this with girls you met in clubs/bars when you contact them again to set up a meeting. Another situation is with girls coming from hook-up oriented apps/websites.
3. Finally, when a girl isn’t seeking fast sex (2), or needs more time to get to sex, or isn’t even seeking a serious relationship (1), it means she’s seeking... well... something else. This something else can really be anything from money to comfort, a car ride, a place to stay, her social reputation, etc. (check out Hector’s article on reasons women enter relationships). Her reasons could be almost anything. What she’s afraid of is not about dealing with your sexual/emotional expectations; she’s afraid that YOU will not meet HER EXPECTATIONS.
   She just hasn’t had time to assess your ability to fulfill her specific needs. By asking you this question, she figures out two things: whether you have a clear idea about what YOU want from HER, and how easily she can get what SHE wants from you. She figures out if she’s willing to pay the price of your expectations to get her needs satisfied, and whether you’re an easy target for manipulation. You run into this sometimes with online game or usually with gold diggers still having doubts about your status.

On this third point, I’d like to share a fun story of mine.

This happened to me two years ago when I was Tindering around during the summer and matched with a gorgeous blonde girl. We had been talking the whole evening, making all kinds of sexual jokes. She ended up giving me her number so we could plan something for the next day. Even though we texted during the following day, at the end of my student job’s work hours, she wasn’t answering anymore, so I went home.

She called and asked me to join her back in the city (I was living more on the edge of the city). As traveling back to the city center would have been too much of an investment, I proposed that she come my way, and I hit resistance. I told her that I’ve got a swimming pool and stuff at my place, so she got quite impressed and went into sex talk. Then I hit the deadly question this article is about (I’ll tell you later how I answered).

Finally she came to my place quite late, dressed almost naked, speaking with a strong Eastern European accent (harder to catch on the phone, plus we were speaking in English over the phone, French in real life, don’t ask me why). First she saw that the swimming pool I was talking about was an inflatable one, and she made fun of me (had to do something to get her to my place, you know, haha).

I then started to run the fastest sexual game I could so as not to lose much time while she was still in the mood. We went into my room, she took off her shoes and we went into my bedroom, where I started touching her. Then happened the most unexpected scenario I had ever experienced with a girl:

Girl: Look, I’ve got to go to work quite early in the morning...

Davi: Well, I’ll take care of it, don’t worry!

Girl: Oh yeah, you can take me with your car when you go to your regular work, right? Then, yeah I can stay.

Davi: I can call you an Uber. But no, I don’t own a car, and it’s just a student job, haha.

Girl: Really? Hmm... oh... mmm... then I think I should go home now.

[In my head: whut?]

Davi: It’s 11pm. Come on, you’re not going to take a transport this late?

(In my city, taking transport at that time is quite dangerous.)

Girl: Well, no matter, I’ll deal with it, no worries. (She seemed VERY decisive.)

Davi: Well, not gonna force you with anything, right? ;) (sexy voice tone/sexy smile/reverse psychology – last weapon against a girl who seems to have made up her mind in a very decisive way).

She got out of the bed, put her shoes back on, and left the house, all the while giving excuses that didn’t make sense and that I didn’t even ask for (e.g., she thinks her period is coming, I was too romantic, etc.) when all I did was basically run a fast, touchy game all over her half-naked body.

She wasn’t looking for just sex, and a relationship could have been fine later if only I met her NEEDS (car/money). And offering her body was absolutely not a problem for her as soon as she thought she could get what she wanted (coming to my place half naked and letting me touch her anywhere I wanted on a first meeting). But the moment she realized that I didn’t have what she expected, everything was over for her, and she didn’t want to waste any more time.

This is a great example of when she didn’t have enough information to see if I could meet her interests, but wanted to be sure that I wasn’t going to jump on her pussy right away after she entered me home... even if she was prepared for it!

ANSWERING THIS QUESTION: THE DON’TS

The potential dissonance between you two and her concerns is only the visible part of the iceberg here. The underlying problem is that the WAY guys answer this question leads them to getting blown off 90% of the time.

The reason is because of the very dangerous frame contained in this question:

 “Why do you want to see me? Honestly.”

Translation: “Alright, buddy. I know all this is only a game we are playing and a role you’re embodying as the ultimate master of the relationship. I can tell you, you actually didn’t do such a bad job, so be proud! I just propose we lay down our arms and have a real talk: what do you expect from me? Just go. I’ll let you being honest. I won’t be mad. Promise. Ya just wanna hook up/are in need of affection, right? :)”

If you don’t see the problem with this frame, I suggest you get a balls transplant.

This basically hands the power over to her side.

Something you should also be aware of during the courtship is this: some tests or affirmations are often an attempt by the girl to take back the power from you. What it usually looks like is her evaluating you, giving an appreciation – for example, spicy criticism.

The wrong way to respond to an attempt to take power back is to enter her game by BEING SERIOUS. Weak guys usually hand the power to the girl, and guys with no experience who are still willing to keep the power, well... they protest, which also equates to being weak and insecure about the power dynamic of the relationship.

Besides power games, you should also be aware of the “honestly” part of her question. When you give her a serious answer, you basically agree with the fact that during your courtship, you were NOT honest, and the personality traits you showed were actually FAKE, and ATTEMPTS to get her. It shifts the investment balance to your side, and all that you did becomes a big investment that you put into getting HER. So it directly reverses the chasing frame.

Another big mistake guys make by answering this question is giving a specific answer about what they want. If you read this website, you know that what women are looking for in a date is a fun, light, little, unexpected adventure. Telling her that your expectation from her is to go to the downtown bar Joe’s Fantasy and have two melon cocktails with green striped straws together between 2 and 3pm... doesn’t do the job.

Finally, among the competition of bad answers, first place certainly goes to over-sexualization. Okay, once in a while, a girl is going to be really turned on and used to a lot of sex-talk, and as a game between you two she’s gonna ask you what you want from her/what you’re going to DO to her. This situation is very different from the one in which she concerns in a less sexual context. In this case, she won’t ask you what you do want “honestly” or “really.” So learn to tell the difference by the manner/tone in which the sentence is put and the level of sexualization and context.

HOW TO ANSWER

At this point you are probably wondering how to answer the question without being serious or giving a specific answer. Keep on reading, bud. Pandora’s box is about to get opened.

The first step I usually take before giving an answer is to just joke around. Sometimes when the girl’s concerns aren’t that serious, that does the trick. The girl who thinks you’re expecting quick and fast sex is often reassured when you show a more humorous side by not giving any serious, sexual answer; and the girl who expects light, fun sex is also happy to see that you don’t show any emotional involvement.

Gold-diggers and social climbers, however, are NEVER satisfied with a humorous answer, and neither are girls with more serious concerns.

Humorous answers are anything along these lines:

• Well, I was hoping you could help me clean the house a bit!

This one has a more sexual connotation due to maid fantasies; use it with girls who expect light sex and are afraid about your emotional investment.

• Well, you seemed like the perfect companion to go make fun of tourists with!

Use this one more with girls who might be afraid of fast sex; they will feel more special due to the reference of her being a “perfect companion” and think about an outside/fun/date-like activity. You can also make a reference to a specific quality you liked about her, anything from her language skills to her sense of humor, or even her energy level if you run out of elements.

In case she insists, we’re going to reframe the conversation, change the tone, or act like the serious answer to the question is dead obvious and you expected her to already having understood it.

It goes like this: “Why do I want to see you? Like I’m supposed to plan my life like a robot? Haha, come on, usually I meet people and see how it goes with the vibe and the feeling of the moment, that’s all.”

As you can see, this sounds very “mainstream” but it’s still a powerful answer: you have been totally honest from the beginning, aren’t playing any role, aren’t faking emotion, and aren’t EXPECTING ANYTHING from her, and to get you to expect something from her, SHE still has to WORK for it, as it’s the vibe and feelings she’ll have to make you feel ON THE DATE that will get you to want anything from her, if you ever do.

Investment shift avoided. You’re still the one in control and in power, as you just keep on evaluating her, assessing whether she’s worth having sex or a relationship with. You also avoid being specific and shrinking her dreams to a single and simple activity.

Schema of the right answer:

1. Repeating the answer – makes her feel a bit dumb about asking it and insisting even after the humorous answer you gave
2. Stating that you don’t plan your life in a specific way – telling her that you don’t have any serious expectations from her... yet
3. Telling her that it’s all about in-the-moment feelings and vibes – here she knows that you have standards and remain in control to asses her qualities
4. You can end with a joke, often denying an exaggerated expectation:“So... no, I don’t expect you to give me three children... or to jump on my lap within 10 seconds of entering your field of vision....” This just to end on a lighter note. Do it if she’s quite young and somehow fragile. I do it all the time with girls who might be fearing an expanded level of sexual expectation.

Regarding gold-diggers, this answer can seem just fine for them: as you express that you don’t exactly know what’s going to happen, she retains good hopes for running her own plans. But with those girls, you should be able to screen them with the general context and turn them down as fast as possible, at least if you don’t want gold-diggers in your life.

So follow the steps, avoid the don’ts, and keep on being in control and feeling honest from the beginning to the end!

From bright to depth, (“debt” if you don’t screen gold-diggers soon enough ;D)

Davi